Healing from abuse

 

When we are finally able to leave the hurt behind, we are much more effective in helping others who have experienced similar hurts.

All those years ago, when I was experiencing and writing about my insights into domestic violence, I knew that one day I would write a book about it, but I also kept hearing the small still voice of the Holy Spirit telling me I wasn't ready just yet, there was more I needed to learn...and to be healed from.

I couldn't help others until I was truly free in every way.

Today, I hold no animus against anyone. I lose no sleep at night being tormented by hurts others have inflicted on me. Giving abusers free rent in our heads doesn't bother them, in fact, they love it. But true freedom comes when we can sincerely pray for their freedom, for their happiness.

Doing so doesn't mean the abuse we suffered is minimized or invalidated, or that we must give them continued access to us by allowing them back into our lives. Their time for that is past. But it does mean that we can live our lives--every day--free from thoughts and emotions that will not only continue to harm us but others as well.

One thing that helped me walk away from excruciating emotional pain and crippling anger, was a question the Holy Spirit asked me, "WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO FEEL VALIDATED, HOW MUCH PAIN WOULD HE HAVE TO ENDURE TO TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY?"

I couldn't imagine that any amount of pain inflicted on my abuser could ever take my pain away or validate my suffering. In that moment, I gave it up. I knew I could never win that one. Wisdom is knowing when to throw in the towel, and my battle for validation and freedom from emotional pain was futile. I finally understood that it was a battle I was not created or equipped to win. That understanding enabled me to give all my pain and hard feelings to my Creator, who said, "Vengeance is mine..."

If those who hurt me were never sorry for what they did, then they have a bad time awaiting them. I don't wish harm on anyone, even those who caused me great suffering and distress. I pray they will come to true repentance and receive forgiveness from the only one from whom it really counts. My forgiveness is for me. My forgiveness is for my freedom. I have no control over theirs.

No one gets free rent in my head. And they shouldn't in yours either.

Event with Kingdom Hope Connections Radio

 

 Wednesday March 2, 2022, 2:30 EST: Interview with Felica Clayborne on Kingdom Hope Connections Radio. We will be talking about "Having the Heart of God." 

Here is the link to that interview!

Receiving Forgiveness & Staying Safe While Forgiving

We've all been hurt. We've all hurt others. We all need the forgiveness that cancels debts owed by us and to us. 

Debt? What has debt got to do with forgiveness? 

Listen to this article and share the link: http://hungryheartsradio.com/mp3/2020/hhr11-19-2020.mp3

In Luke, chapter eleven, Jesus used the word “debt” in describing sin. He equated sin with debt. So let’s talk about debt. No one goes into debt without making some sort of contract agreeing to repay what has been borrowed. The borrower becomes indebted to lender. The Bible says borrowers become slaves to lenders. The Bible also uses the same terminology when describing the effects of sin in the lives of believers, saying we become slaves to sin.  

Maybe someone, through sinning against us, has become indebted to us. Regardless, Jesus does not give us a choice in the matter. In order to keep our lives from becoming debt-ridden, we must both ask forgiveness and extend forgiveness to others. This is a continual cleansing process for all believers.

Part of praying according to the will of God, is asking forgiveness for our sins. And part of receiving forgiveness of sins is extending forgiveness to those who have sinned against us.

That is easier said than done.

But no one denies that the effects of unforgiveness often far out-weigh, and do much more harm in terms of spiritual, emotional, and physical health, than the effects of the sin that was perpetrated against us to begin with. 

When Christians refuse to turn from sin [yes, Christians do sin], this grieves the Holy Spirit, and the Heavenly Comforter withdraws fellowship from us. Those who walk closely with Jesus, will know when this happens and take steps to restore fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Fellowship with God can only be restored when we repent and forsake that which causes him grief. All sin grieves the Holy Spirit, including the sin of withholding our forgiveness to from those who have harmed us.

A brief word about forgiving those who have harmed us: Forgiveness does not require us to continually place ourselves in harm’s waythrough associations with unsafe people. And people can be unsafe either emotionally, or physically, or both. But forgiveness does necessitate giving the hurt to God, forsaking hatred, and bitterness, and leaving justice to him. No more hashing and re-hashing the offense in our minds. 

If we chose to stay in relationship with those who have betrayed our trust, forgiveness does not necessitate extending immediate trust to those who have proved themselves untrustworthy. Trust, once betrayed, must be earned back. It is Ok to require that, but without bitterness.

Because of what happened in the Garden of Eden, we are all born owing a debt of sin that we are incapable of repaying. That is why our Creator paid it for us. He did this, when he died on the cross and then rose from the dead. But, if after we are born again, having received forgiveness from God, we refuse to ask forgiveness of others for trespassing against them, or to forgive them for their indebtedness to us, Jesus said, in Matthew 18, that we are in deep trouble.

Even secular mental health programs, particularly addiction recovery programs, involve both forgiveness and asking others for forgiveness when we have harmed then, and making restitution where possible. This biblical concept is acknowledged even among unbelievers, as a vital part of living emotionally healthy lives.

But there’s more. Unpaid debt always takes a toll, not the least of which erodes the credibility of those in default. And the toll of unpaid sin-debt is progressive, when allowed to run its course. The unpaid debt of unforgiveness, and refusal to turn from known sin, is no different. Sin is a greedy thief, that robs us in many areas of our lives and can ultimately steal our very souls (see James 1:12-16 and Hebrews 6 & Hebrews 10 for more study on this).

The writer of Proverbs said, “They who cover their sin shall not prosper.” This effects spiritual, emotional, physical, and even financial prosperity. In Third John 1:2, John wrote to Gaius, that he wished above all things that he be in health and prosper even as his soul prospered.

Here we see both the physical and the spiritual referenced. Keeping in mind what it says in Proverbs 30:8-9, we can conclude that John was writing about the impact of our spiritual health on our physical health, as well as on our spiritual and emotional well-being, and temporal prosperity, which includes, among other things, finances.

Sin-debt is real debt. And it undermines every form of prosperity. Jesus said, “Owe no one anything except to love them.” Jesus paid our sin-debt, knowing we would sin again. In doing so, he made it possible for us to live truly debt-free lives on every level. 

But remaining debt-free is a continual process of relying on the Holy Spirit for help in living lives that are pleasing to God, asking Heavenly forgiveness for our sins, asking others to forgive us when we sin against them, making restitution where possible, and forgiving those who are indebted to us as well. Forgiving the sin-debt of others, is an absolute prerequisite for receiving forgiveness ourselves.

The Garden of Eden & Two Types of Sin

    It is no coincidence that under the Law of Moses, the sacrifice for unintentional sin is a female goat [Lev 4]. 
   This harks back to Genesis and the two types of sin involved in the fall of 'âdâm (pronounced "audawm," Hebrew for the "human race" --Genesis 5:2).  

   The very first animal sacrifice was made by God himself when he gave the first couple "coverings" in the Garden. These coverings, covered both intentional and unintentional sin and no doubt mirrored the instructions in Leviticus where we see a female animal being the covering for unintentional sin, whereas, Jesus the Lamb of God, the second Adam, being male, covered both types of sin, including the intentional sin committed by Iysh, the first Adam.
   God covered the intentional sin of Iysh [the first man], who was not deceived, but deliberately chose to rebel against his creator, understanding exactly what he was doing, and God also covered the unintentional sin of Ishshâw (the first woman) who was tricked by Satan and did not set out to sin but ended up doing just that.

   We see the concept of both types of sin in the New Testament as well. In 1 John, we read that if we confess our known sins [most of which are intentional], God will forgive us from the sins we confess to him and then go on to cleanse us from all unrighteousness [as yet unknown, likely unintentional sins].

If the topic of God and Women interests you, join the conversation HERE.

The Blessing is not in Perfection

    David wrote about how to be blessed through obedience to the Law of the Lord, and then grievously violated that same Law. Yet he was still called a man after God's own heart.

   How could that be?

   One lesson to take from the life of David, is that he was human like the rest of us. And at times, his flesh won out against his spirit in some of the worst ways imaginable. But whenever YAHWEH ELOHIYM [the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob] was able to get his full attention, David was quick to confess his sins [the wrongness of his actions] and turn [repent] from them.
   We read first-hand testimonies of this in his songs, many of which were inspired and preserved by God in the Holy Scriptures.

   Sometimes, David failed to recognize his sin without some nudging from from God's people. Sometimes, he needed to be confronted before he would repent, but when he was confronted, his heart would break from the knowledge of  his own wickedness. 

   When that happened, God always forgave him and welcomed him back into his arms. 

  Although David lived under the law and participated in Temple worship, he understood that religious ceremony did not impress God, unless it was coupled with genuine faith. He wrote that a broken and contrite heart was what counted with God--not sacrifice and ceremony. It was for this, that God called David a man after his own heart.

   David was an in-person example [for both bad and good] to his son, Solomon, who later wrote of his own experiences with sin. Solomon credited his father’s example in his own return to the Lord when he wrote, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” 

   Along with most everyone else, Solomon was aware of his father's sins, which often became public knowledge. He was also witness to his father’s willingness to turn from those sins when confronted with them, and that too, became public knowledge through David's own actions when he would publicly proclaim, “I was wrong!”

   Solomon witnessed the consequences of his father’s sins. He was also witness to the great blessings and deliverance of God when David would bring his thoughts, his heart, and his life back into line with God’s ways and God’s Word. 

   Following the influence of his father, to the bad, Solomon found his own life mired-down in the muck of sin. He then demonstrated the powerful influence of his father’s example of public confession and repentance, when he wrote “He who hides his sin shall not prosper….” 

   David's life was not an example of perfection. Many of the facts of his life were not recorded because they were meant to be emulated--but rather, to be avoided. But his life [with all the ups and downs] is an awesome  example of  what happens when a believer welcomes the correction of a loving God--even the humiliating circumstance of  public correction, if that is what it takes. 

   David embraced correction and was grateful for it. We read about that, when he  wrote,"Blessed is the man whom you chasten O LORD and teach him out of your law That you may give him rest from the days of adversity..."