Christian publishers set marriages up to fail


I have long bemoaned the habit of the romance novel publishing industry--Christian romance publishers in particular--in setting forth unrealistic expectations of living happily ever after by portraying fictional couples who meet, fall in love, and marry after knowing each other for mere weeks. 

This might make for great fiction but sets relationships up for failure in the real world.

Kudos to author Elizabeth Camden for her article about how romance novels mislead

Jocelyn Andersen's Debut Novel

If you love a good mystery with a strong romance in the plot, check out my novel in progress and subscribe to the book release announcement.

It's a twisty mystery about love, found family, and self-discovery, where the truth of one woman’s disappearance changes another woman’s life forever and brings an entire town to its knees.

Subscribe to the book release announcement at:
Edgy Inspy


Caring for aging parents


  A wise person once asked me how I could take care of number two if I didn't take care of number one first.

I got a crash course in this when I became caregiver to my mother with Alzheimer's and dementia.


I learned how important it is to take care of number one when a person becomes a caregiver and begins living two lives, with things quickly becoming reversed and number one becoming the person we are caring for, while we regulate ourselves to number two, ... giving ourselves whatever time and energy is left over, which is usually not much.


But it is so important not to neglect ourselves, not to give up doing things that are good for us. Not to give up things we love or are passionate about, not to allow our lives to completely disappear into the care-giving role we've committed to.

My life after age 65


Ok, I'm living out loud here. I don't usually do this but just feel like it today. Ah the joys of getting older and breaking loose from artificial or external constraints. I don't have to worry about my blog or social media content affecting my workplace environment. Because guess what? I don't have a workplace environment!

Don't get me wrong. I still work. I stay plenty busy working from home writing and doing editing jobs. But, oh my, I do love being retired!

My first few years after retirement were spent traveling to spend time with children and help out with grandchildren. Then my aging mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which we suspected she had suffered from for quite some time. My siblings and I continue to work together caring for mom.

I read as much as I can. All kinds of books. This is my second year doing Goodreads reading challenge. You can follow me there for tracking my progress if you like. 

I'm currently doing research on a new non-fiction book project--I have been asked by a New York publisher for a book proposal! And I've begun publishing second editions of my older-but-evergreen non-fiction titles,  ... and I'm working on my first novel!

And in my retirement, I've become a gig musician of all things. Follow my music page on Facebook if you like. Links to my music are there. I love , love, LOVE it! Among my favorite places to sing are memory care and adult day care facilities--plenty of those in central Florida. 


I'm slowly working my way into the coffee shop and folk festival scene and having a blast. I'll be singing at Barberville's Playing on the Porches event in a few weeks. It will be my third Porches event this year and is one of my absolute favorites! The handsome fella next to me in the picture (right) is my son. It doesn't get any better than gigging with your kid!

One of my goals for 2025 (God willing and Jesus don't come) is to compete in the power-lifting competition at the senior games in my county. No, I won't be doing bench-presses, lol :), but I may be able to make a good showing in the deadlift category for my age-group. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

I go to the gym 2-3 times a week, and I'm working on strength and endurance. Today I walked 3 miles on the treadmill at an average pace of over three miles an hour with an average heart rate of 85 bpm. I plan to improve on that within thirty days. 

Back to the music, which is front and center for me right now. Just because I sing professionally these days, doesn't mean I don't enjoy hanging out with friends at my favorite open mics. I have a few favorite haunts in that respect--and I'm considering adding karaoke at a local diner to that.

So, bottom line is I'm finding life after 65 to be great fun! 

Is Jocelyn Andersen a Domestic Violence Coach or Counselor?

 

 One of my LinkedIn connections asked me if I was a DV coach or counselor as well as an author/advocate in raising awareness and educating on Christian response to domestic violence.

The picture (above/left) is me (far right) with an anonymous litigating Protective Mom (far left) and protective mother Amanda Joy (middle). We attended the 2008 Battered Mothers Custody Conference together. Our tee shirts read "SHINE A LIGHT ON DOMESTIC VIOLENC."

I write to increase awareness and occasionally speak. Most recently, I have been invited to speak at a church luncheon in the FL Panhandle.

I don't professionally counsel or coach victims. I do what I can, and I don't hesitate to refer to local resources, DV hotlines, or to the national hotline if a local one is not available. There is much more we can do, but in some cases, referring to the hotline and shelter is the only safe thing (for all involved--including the advocate...even if a relative) to do.


One awesome advocate, who is a survivor and very good friend of mine, was helped by her local hotline where she was counseled for quite some time before being helped to escape from her abusive and violent husband. She then lived in the shelter for months.


She sought help from her church leadership before calling the local domestic violence hotline, but they refused to help her because her abuser was the youth pastor there. 


I save the number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, along with numbers to local hotlines, shelters, and resources in my phone contacts and advise others to do the same, especially pastors. It's not a Christian cop-out to do this, and it could save lives.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800.799.SAFE (7233)


Early in my advocacy I spearheaded a project to empower Church leaders and lay-Christians to respond knowledgeably, compassionately, and biblically to victims of DV. I received an overwhelmingly positive response from church members, but not a single pastor responded. The church members who were interested in heading the project at their churches couldn't get it past their pastor's desks. 


Here is a link to the original press release

http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/782355128.html


Here is a link to a more detailed announcement another advocate wrote about the project. It's a shame the project was stalled by church leaders. That was in 2008. Maybe it was before its time. Maybe I should try again. What do you think? https://ajoyrn.tripod.com/

For Victims' Advocates of Corrupt Family Courts

Dear Advocates: 

I am currently doing research for a book about corrupt family court systems and am interested in any suggestion from you on chapter topics. 

I am looking at approximately ten chapters, each on a different topic related to the most pressing issues of protective mothers and family court. I am already researching several topics and hope you might suggest others.

My current book on the family court system, is intended for a much broader audience than my previous books, which were faith-based. I have received communications from two publishers who have expressed interest in my next book. 

I am also looking for personal stories related to family court experience. Identities will be kept confidential where requested, as I understand many are still involved in litigation and involve children who have not yet aged out of the system.

I appreciate your advocacy and any suggestions from you on chapter topics or subtopics will be most welcome. ~~ Jocelyn

Toxic Femininity and Masculinity


There is such thing as being toxically feminine and toxically masculine. 

Being toxically feminine or masculine takes place when one is intelligent, articulate, and fully aware of their deliberate words or actions and the effects on others of those. They speak, act, and write in deliberately toxically biased ways against the opposite sex. 

Men who are toxically masculine are generally more easily identified by their actions, speech, and writing than are women who are toxically feminine. That is likely the case because we are more prone to look for such in men than in women. 

There is more than one way to be toxically masculine or toxically feminine, but this article deals with only one for each sex. Each example below can be assigned to either sex but is used to highlight the sex that uses the method most often. 

One example of being toxically feminine: Deferring publicly to men when the woman either does not necessarily believe it is the right thing to do but does it anyway because of gender bias, or she does believe that women should defer to men and wastes few opportunities to influence others towards her belief system--most particularly her children. Her words and actions are intelligently premeditated and deliberate. Women who are toxically feminine, are fully aware and fully understand that their words and actions influence others concerning their own toxic belief system. This makes a woman toxically feminine.

One example of being toxically masculine: Rendering women invisible by always referring to mixed crowds or the human race in general as ** "men, his, or him" when they know full well this is not only incorrect but is offensive to many. Men who are toxically masculine offend deliberately in this regard. An author, whose work I generally admire, makes a point of calling all humans "men" ... every ... single ... time. Lots of authors do this, as it is generally (wrongly) accepted as Ok to refer to all of humanity as "man." 

What makes a man's references deliberately toxic are that his references are deliberate and premeditated. He can be amazingly articulate and knows better, but regarding women, he deliberately uses semantics in making the point that he believes men are more important that women, and he wastes no opportunity in rendering women invisible by hiding them under semantic burqas. Many men do this, and this makes a man toxically masculine. 

** This author does not subscribe to the toxically feminine habit (even when used by well-meaning men) of referring to all humanity or mixed crowds as "she" or "her." This is an extreme reaction to the historical norm of referring to all people in the male gender. Though often well-meaning, this is not helpful in ending the very real but tragic war between the sexes.

It is possible be feminine or masculine in healthy ways. 

Men and women are different and complementary in so many wonderful ways but illegitimately prescribing our differences rather than legitimately describing them, is what creates toxic femininity or masculinity.  

More on this topic

God & Women

Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery & the Evangelical Caste System: Andersen, Jocelyn: 9780979429323: Amazon.com: Books

Jocelyn Andersen: Christian Masculinity

Deconstructing the Danvers Statement - by Jocelyn Andersen (substack.com)