Healing from abuse


When we are finally able to leave the hurt behind, we are much more effective in helping others who have experienced similar hurts.

All those years ago, when I was experiencing and writing about my insights into domestic violence, I knew that one day I would write a book about it, but I also kept hearing the small still voice of the Holy Spirit telling me I wasn't ready just yet, there was more I needed to learn...and to be healed from.

I couldn't help others until I was truly free in every way.

Today, I hold no animus against anyone. I lose no sleep at night being tormented by hurts others have inflicted on me. Giving abusers free rent in our heads doesn't bother them, in fact, they love it. But true freedom comes when we can sincerely pray for their freedom, for their happiness.

Doing so doesn't mean the abuse we suffered is minimized or invalidated, or that we must give them continued access to us by allowing them back into our lives. Their time for that is past. But it does mean that we can live our lives--every day--free from thoughts and emotions that will not only continue to harm us but others as well.

One thing that helped me walk away from excruciating emotional pain and crippling anger, was a question the Holy Spirit asked me, "WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO FEEL VALIDATED, HOW MUCH PAIN WOULD HE HAVE TO ENDURE TO TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY?"

I couldn't imagine that any amount of pain inflicted on my abuser could ever take my pain away or validate my suffering. In that moment, I gave it up. I knew I could never win that one. Wisdom is knowing when to throw in the towel, and my battle for validation and freedom from emotional pain was futile. I finally understood that it was a battle I was not created or equipped to win. That understanding enabled me to give all my pain and hard feelings to my Creator, who said, "Vengeance is mine..."

If those who hurt me were never sorry for what they did, then they have a bad time awaiting them. I don't wish harm on anyone, even those who caused me great suffering and distress. I pray they will come to true repentance and receive forgiveness from the only one from whom it really counts. My forgiveness is for me. My forgiveness is for my freedom. I have no control over theirs.

No one gets free rent in my head. And they shouldn't in yours either.

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