Complementarian Manners

"Jesus had a respectful theological conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well."

When I read this in author Elaine Kelly's newsletter, it brought to mind the time I visited a local congregation and was unexpectedly introduced to an author whose work I admired. I was unaware that he was a member of a fundamentalist Baptist denomination where men did not engage with women as equals. I didn't realize that for him [or any other fundamentalist Baptist male] theological or any other type of conversation with women on an equal basis was out of the question. I really had no idea.

This author never wrote about gender roles, so I was clueless as to where he stood on the issue. Regardless, I never expected to see him that day, much less be introduced to him. I was thrilled to meet him and told him so.

He shook my hand and smiled broadly as I commented on how much I appreciated his work. And then I mentioned that I had also written a book on the same subject...and his eyes glazed over.

Suddenly, he wasn't looking at me. He was staring, quite literally, straight through me. I had suddenly become invisible. He didn't walk away. He didn't move but continued standing square in front of me, completely ignoring me.

I wasn't there anymore.

I'm sure the desired effect was to make me feel uncomfortable or worse. What an incredibly rude tactic! But it worked. I had no reason to feel ashamed, foolish, and uncomfortable. Yet I did.

That was not the first time that had happened to me, nor would it be the last. I've noticed that complementarian [especially "hard-comp"] men tend to do that. It's possible the reaction is a spiritual thing (an oppression brought on by the sin of complementarianism), or it could be intentional rudeness designed to keep woman "in her place." Whatever it is, from my experience it is widespread. It is rude and disrespectful, plain and simple.

Loving our neighbor as ourselves is the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible. Jesus said so. And treating women as if they are invisible, unimportant, and less than men is...well, it is not love. According to Jesus, it is positively un-Christian.

If the majority of complementarian men refuse to learn theology from a woman, they should at least learn better manners from the Captain of Our Faith, who had no problem discussing theology with a woman in an intelligent and respectful manner.