Misunderstandings about domestic abuse & domestic violence

 

Domestic abuse and domestic violence are rare. FALSE. According to the department of Justice. Three of every 100 American households is affected by domestic violence. 

According to the National Census Bureau, 3 of every 100 households adds up to approximately 37,000,000 Americans, primarily women, who are experiencing domestic violence or abuse.

What is domestic abuse? Simply put, domestic abuse is warfare. It turns the home, which should be a sanctuary of peace and safety into a battlefield filled with destruction and misery--with the abuser waging psychological warfare, and sometimes physical warfare, against his or her victim(s).

Only women are victims of domestic abuse and/or violence. FALSE. Department of Justice figures show that men comprise 5% of domestic violence murder victims.

Studies prove that women violently abuse just as much or more than men do. FALSE. Department of justice statistics do not back those studies. As one supporter of those studies succinctly put it, "With a U.S. population of 297 million, it's possible to cherry-pick a small, non-representative, sample to prove nearly anything."

Substance abuse is a major cause of domestic violence. FALSE. Treatment for substance abuse will not cure domestic abuse or violence. Although substance abuse is often used as an excuse for domestic violence and can certainly exacerbate and intensify incidences of abuse (and substance abusers do need to address the issue), it is not the cause of domestic abuse or domestic violence. Abuse and domestic violence are inflicted on victims by those who have an excessive need for control. In the case of men against women, the root cause of abuse often stems from a deeply rooted sense of male superiority over women. 

Anger management will prevent abusive behavior. FALSE. Anger management will not cure abusive behavior, because anger is not the root cause of spousal abuse or domestic violence. Although controlling anger is always helpful, it will not prevent recurrences of abuse if the core values of the abuser are not challenged and changed.

Submitting to the demands of an abuser will stop or prevent abuse. FALSE. Studies have shown that the more submissive a victim is, the more likely the abuser is to continue and even increase the abuse. It is not recommended, however, to directly challenge a violent abuser.

Finding a good couple's counselor will help resolve abuse issues in a relationship. FALSE. Couple's counseling will not prevent abuse. Abuse is a personal issue as well as a choice on the part of the abuser. Although abuse will cause problems in a relationship, abuse and/or domestic violence does not stem from problems within the relationship. When it comes to domestic abuse or domestic violence, the saying, “It Takes Two to Tango,” does not apply. One of the reasons couple's counseling is not recommended in the case of domestic violence, is that it increases the risk of physical violence and potential harm to the victim.

 The book, Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, is available free with Kindle Unlimited. Gifting print copies to  spiritual leaders and shelters is a great way to participate in Domestic Violence Awareness month in October. But why wait for October when three women will die today from DV, and another three tomorrow, and another three....